Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
