So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
that's an acceptable place to lick
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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