she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
