You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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