Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
