and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
