i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
