I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
