haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
