I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
