Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
