How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Randomize
