You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
