Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize