I don't remember. Are we still dating?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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