My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
