I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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