my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
