we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
