thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
