Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
