a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
