what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
