We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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