But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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