i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
