Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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