I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
