I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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