I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
