A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i came on her dog
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
