Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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