Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
