I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Sext me about skeletons
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
