stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
why do cheetos always look like penises
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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