dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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