It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
