did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
