1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
