There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
