walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
