did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
