I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
