Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
