I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
