I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
