saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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