She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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