I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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