She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
they need to just BURY HIM!
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
