Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Do you remember whose house we're in?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
