no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
50% drunk capacity currently
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize