My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
