saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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