Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Then you guys just all showered together...?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
