I want to stick my p in your. b.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
