turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize