She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
