i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
