Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize