Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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