I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
