halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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