he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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