he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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