Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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