cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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