3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Randomize
