I understand why you refuse to be sober now
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
