you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
