Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize