Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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