I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
