yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize