Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
