We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
