He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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